Twenty One

This past week was Spring Break which was mostly spent watching obscene amounts of Netflix and thinking. Way too much thinking.
Most of the thinking came up with questions I had no idea the answers too, but I there was one question, that with a little bit of exploring, I came to find the answer to.

I turn twenty one in two hours.

The only things that really change are that I can now legally drink and that I can have a horizontal driver’s license. Nothing too major, but that drinking bit? Yeah, that used to be a big deal to me, but after all that thinking I’ve come to realize what exactly I was excited about.

The choice to make a decision for myself.
The ability to legally drink.
The opportunity.

Now that I have the choice, I don’t really want to drink. It just doesn’t really interest me. It’s not that I have a problem with drinking or with people who drink, but I don’t think it’s something that’s for me.

It’s just nice getting to a point in life where it’s like someone says “Okay, you have enough experience to make this important decision by yourself. Have at it!”

And maybe that’s what being an adult is;
Having all these opportunities available to you, but needing to make the right decision, the adult decision, of what’s best for you. Of what you can identify with and maybe of what helps define you.

Maybe part of this whole ‘growing-up’ thing’ is realizing that the decisions made hold importance; even the little ones. Maybe in the end it’s less about the actual opportunities that come with adulthood and more about the decisions. The decisions that seemed impossible to make, but by being ‘adult’ enough you somehow ended up making them. I think maybe that’s where the true journey lies, in the decisions and what those decisions will lead you to in the end.

Goodbye twenty.
Hello twenty one.

How to Adult

You know how when you were younger and you had this idea of what an adult was in your head? Mine was of someone who carried a huge purse, had a job, a boyfriend, drove a car, dropped big words in everyday conversation, drank coffee and carried themselves with just the right amount of confidence. It's weird how in society I'm deemed an 'adult', yet I feel so far away from that title most days.

And that random list of traits I had when I was younger, yeah I only have three of those: a huge purse, can drive and drink coffee, lots and lots of coffee. So far I haven't gotten my adult card revoked for not having the other things on my eight-year-old-self's list, so maybe what my current, twenty-year-old-self thinks an adult should be might be like my younger self's version in a few years, kind of irrelevant and based on out-there ideas I have on what makes someone 'mature'.

I bought the Rainbow Loom a week or so ago and whenever I create on it, I feel stupid. Like, stupid in the sense that I'm almost twenty-one, it's a Friday night and I'm at home, working on this kid's toy while watching Ghost Adventures. Then my mind goes off in one of its what am I doing with my life?! tangents. Then I actually started to think about the answer to that question, 'Honestly, Katie. What are you doing right now with your life?' I came back with the answer of 'just trying to hang on'. 

And right now I'm okay with that. I'm on one of my steps backward and if doing this Rainbow Loom thing helps me relax and stops me from heading in a full sprint backward, then I'm not going to knock it! (Okay, well maybe a little, but in a fully lovingly frustrated, 'This stupid pattern won't work' and 'who comes up with these weird bracelet names?' sort of way.)

This one's called a Hexafish.
See what I mean? Weird names, right?!

It's funny what can make you feel like an adult. What seemingly silly things give you the sense of being more grown up, more mature. Yet so quickly that feeling can fade and you're left looking around for your mom to come out of nowhere to rescue you; to tell you everything will be okay.

Even as you grow older, maybe that feeling of needing someone to rescue you never really leaves. Maybe over the years it just slowly changes; morphs into you trying to figure out the situation for yourself first, then just going to your mom for the bigger issues or just to talk about how you overcame that obstacle you thought was impossible to past. Maybe at one point you learn that you can handle this situation and even other challenges that may be thrown your way as you grow. Maybe a sign of being more "adult" is not always looking for your mom to rescue you, maybe instead that person you look to rescue you becomes yourself.

Happy Friday!

I was looking through the photos on my phone and found this adorable (and blurry) picture of Max and I! He's at the beauty parlor (or as normal people call it, the Groomer's) today. I'm missing my little guy so randomly finding this photo made me smile!