I've been struggling with my astronomy class and how completely unorganized my professor is with our assignments. I literally spent five hours reading about thirty pages and taking notes. I even did those stupid paperclip on a string and golf ball experiments that the book 'suggests' to do. Overkill on my part much? I think the issue is more on my side than it is on his horribly unorganized side. (It's just easier to blame him…)
Ever since I got accepted into my college's honor society I can feel myself going back into my old high school ways. Wanting not just an A, but a one hundred percent. Wanting to go above and beyond the assignment even if I'm overworking myself. Somehow it's like I think I have more time in the day than everybody else.
Labels, even if they are deemed 'good' by society's standards, such as 'honor student,' I think still have the potential of hurting us.
Somehow now I think I have to work all day and take extensive, borderline-unnecessary, amounts of notes all because I'm in this group because for some reason my brain thinks that 'that's what honor students do!' That I have to spend all my time doing homework and studying when really I can already feel that I’m hurting myself. I'm stressing out, I'm more irritable and I'm more negative. I can feel myself slipping back into my old high school ways of wanting to be absolutely perfect and doing things to the extreme.
I need to remember that I still managed to do well and work hard in my previous semesters in college, those very same semesters that got me into this honor society. I balanced my schoolwork better and had a better understanding of my limits and time. I can't be someone who gives one hundred percent to school, I have to take care of me and I just have to do things that make me happy; like make time for art or reading or just some one-on-one time with Netflix!
It might not sound like it'll benefit my educational career, but I know in the long run it will. It's only the third week of Spring semester and I've already broken down about all the work and excess time I spent working on an assignment, an assignment that could have gotten done in half the time all because I'm striving for nothing but perfection.
I need to remember to put my health, my well being, first.
I need to know that just because school doesn't get all of my time doesn't mean that I'm somehow dismissing its importance. What works for others doesn't necessarily mean that it'll work for me. In order to do well I've learned that I need to balance my time. I need to trust in the things I've learned about myself since high school.
Worst case scenario: I'm not in the honor society anymore.
In all honesty though, I don't think that could be the worst thing to come out of this. I still need to be aware of the opposite of that scenario; that I remain in the honor society because I overwork myself and end up losing all the progress I've made.
I am more than my grades.
I am more than the numbers in red at the top of a piece of paper.
Now, I just need to remember this when I start working on my homework tomorrow and feel the need to be nothing but perfect.