Anyways, before even finding out about his unexpectedly cool neighbors, Bart neatly sets up all of his belongings, which only take up a small corner of his new place, leaving the rest of the space empty and dark. To celebrate his new apartment he throws his hat up in the air, all Mary Tyler Moore style. Except there was a fan right above him and the hat just totally shredded and rained down around him in a sad sort of defeated way.
Damn it, I am Bart! My hat is in the process of being shredded by the unfortunately placed fan above my head. Its pieces are fluttering down around me to only rest pathetically at me feet. My 'apartment' is adulthood and I can't figure out where the hell to find my awesome neighbors that play 'All the Small Things' for me on cue. The so called freedom that comes with adulthood is more scary and lonely than anything I would have expected, than anything that I had prepared for. I wanted a victorious throw-my-hat-in-the-air-scene, not busted up hat confetti.
Maybe adulthood can be compared to the scene where Bart sees a huge rat's shadow on the wall only to realize it was his own. Maybe adulthood starts off completely terrifying, only to then realize that with closer inspection, it's not as frightening as it may seem. That maybe what you're suppose to do with the rest of your life isn't a decision that can be made overnight, that maybe we are all struggling with discovering who we really are. Maybe I'm still in the phase of seeing adulthood's scary shadow and I'm not yet to the place of seeing its true form. Maybe I need some time to find the unexpected joys that adulthood may hold, to have time to find the above floors which hold an awesome punk rock band and other amazing surprises that I didn't even know I wanted.
|"Encourage your hopes, not your fears."|
Sorry for the crummy iPhone photo!
I need to try to remember this: to encourage my hopes and not my fears. I feed into my anxiety way too frequently while I let my hopes stay in the dark, starving for light. I need to look to myself for encouragement and not just rely on other's words so heavily. I need to trust in myself and just keep pushing forward.