She said my nails shouldn't be a color,
that they should stay plain.
I didn't deserve the indulgence.
So they remained blank.

No one could see my colors
not in her shadow anyway.
Standing behind her for so long faded me,
it made me hate me.
I needed her to complete me.
Without her acceptance I was worth nothing.

I didn't know anything but her darkness,
she said she deserved all the light.
She was so quick to forget
that in the dark I held the gift of sight.
I wasn't easily blinded by that big bright light.

Across state lines the light faltered.
Seduced by the warm glow,
the bottle made the light
so quick to explode.

It may have given you acceptance,
but I gave you more.
Always taking on your clouds
was such a difficult chore.

I tried to join in from afar.
I didn't know if I could live without your light.
Keeping me discreetly hidden,
always safe from sight.
But the bottle continued to call, 
you said it let your colors show.
That you needed it being so far from home.

Two girls.
Both stuck on a bottle.
Yours is filled with lonely nights,
while mine is filled with a bright light. 
Mine will color in the gaps you left,
yours will leave you in its shadow.
Promising to cradle you through the night,
when it leads you to a dimmer tomorrow.


I originally posted this poem on my personal blog, but since I decided to make Call Me Crazy my 'everything blog' I wanted to re-post it on here. I wrote it in February, I just edited it a bit today.

It's always hard for me to re-read my writing. It takes me back to that place and feelings of the time I wrote it. I feel like this was good for me though- to read through this one again.

I've been feeling bad about losing an old friend, but this reminded me of the choice she made and how I need to keep going for the nail polish bottle and not the other. To keep my priorities straight. To know that even though this person is home now, it won't be for long. That this is a reoccurring thing, alcohol or not, there would always be something/one that was chosen over me. I need to remember to keep my head up and just keep going.


  1. Some people are just bad for us.
    They bring out our inner uglies.
    So glad you're on the right path.
    BTW, I love that nail polish color.

    1. Aw thanks Juju, that's so true.

      Thanks! It's by Essie- In the Cabana Blue :)