My issues with concentration and memory troubles are due to the numerous medications I have been on since age twelve. I know I've mentioned so many times before, but I was bullied badly throughout school, since around age six and it's had a huge impact on my life. Junior high was a big turning point since that's when I really learned just how cruel people could be.
I started seeing a therapist the beginning of eighth grade and soon after started taking medication to help with the imbalanced chemicals in my brain. For quite some time I was told that it was probably puberty messing with my serotonin /dopamine/or whatever levels and that hopefully I'll get better soon. Unfortunately that wasn't the case and things got worse.
My sophomore year was the first time I went into an outpatient program to help with depression and anxiety. Not to get into too much detail, but it wasn't a good place and my high school was less than helpful when it came to my illness. Anyways my time in the hospital got out, thanks to big-mouth-teachers and one of the friends a decided to tell slipping my secret out. Apparently nothing better was going on so they decided to attack me because of this. The school did nothing to help, my entire junior year I earned two credits (the average is around sixteen I believe) because the school didn't want to 'overwork me' and have me 'collapse'. I left after my junior year and was home schooled for my senior year.
I kept a journal while I was in treatment, the doctors said it would be good to look back on so they could better monitor my moods while my medications and treatments changed. I wrote some about the books I had been slowly reading and was afraid to mention my opinions/ feelings on my blog because I didn't want to offend anyone or turn anyone off because my opinions were greatly based on the place I was/am in life.
I was in a very dark place then, I'm trying so hard to come out of this. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with almost being twenty and still feeling like I'm twelve. I'm trying to take my time in treatment as not a setback, but as a learning experience. I don't want to have to turn away from my blog because I have this irrational fear that people will think that I'm asking for attention or react the same way as the children in high school did.
Thank you so, so much for your continued support. It means the world to me,
Thank you so much for all of the lovely emails and tweets I've been getting for quite some time. I read and appreciate every one, thank you so, so much.
I'll have up 'Top Tens' and other book-ish posts to go with the end of the years since I still was able to read quite a few absolutely amazing books this year. Don't worry, not all my future posts will be this dark, I'll still be the same Katie, just hopefully better.
*Click photos to see source*